I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
