I'm drive I can fine osifer
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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