I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
