Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
