so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
