Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we're making bets on your personal life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
