oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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