Non-Jews are for practice
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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