Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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