Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
