I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
