I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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