Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize