Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize