when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
