3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
