I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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