First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
