i don't like sucking hair
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
