some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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