I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
