I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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