I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
