Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
