I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
