I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
