Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
