my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
