Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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