$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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