so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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