just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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