Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
