Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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