So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
