We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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