so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
