I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
