I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
