well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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