Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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