All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
