Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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