well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
high people should be assigned attendants
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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