I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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