I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my shit smells like andre
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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