Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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