Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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