that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
