1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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