Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
