that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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