So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
