It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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