I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Small penises have feelings too.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
