i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
