So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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