Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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