definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
