dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
