if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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