I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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