let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
