Can Purell be used as lube?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize