His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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