Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
