I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
