Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
