Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
