Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
