guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
