So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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