I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
BRING THE BAGELS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
