he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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