i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
