i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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