I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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