I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
