i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
