Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
