I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
