Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
