so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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