Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
