a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
